A Strong Message to Parents - Tell Your Children NOT to Talk to Strangers!

This is a different kind of post. I feel a strong need to write about this and I believe that parents alike would find it useful (I hope!).

I shall not talk about securing an area for your babies/infants but the above image might be the best depiction of safety, don't you think?? --- well... the baby looks secure in the cot but the things around it is still within harm's reach. 

Recently, we've all been shocked by the tragic kidnapping of a child near his school. But the reason I am writing this post is because a few days before that incident, the daughter of a good friend of mine was almost made a victim, possibly by the same people. According to her daughter, an Indian man came into her school, asked her by her name, knew which class she was in and even mentioned the name of her class teacher! He then told her that her mommy is not able to make it to pick her up from school and had asked him to pick her up instead. 

Now, if this were to happen to your child, would your child believe this stranger and follow him because he knew her by name and all the necessary details that a perfect stranger could have not known?

She told him that she would take her bag from the classroom and he told her that he would wait for her outside the school in his car. Thankfully, she was smart enough to alert her teacher and managed to check out his car - he had 2 other accomplice, both Indian men and a green Waja.

It was horrifying to hear this from a close friend, knowing that her daughter could have made it on the main pages of the newspapers and so I feel compelled to write this note for parents. 

When I was 7, my mom had given up on maids. Hence, she had left me in the hands of the Almighty to be independent --- I had my own keys and as soon as I got down the school bus, I made sure to lock the gate and lock the doors too. But this is the best thing - every day, at around 2pm, my beloved granny would give me a call... she would call to make sure I was safe at home and every day, she would remind me without fail, to make sure I have the curtains drawn, and that I shouldn't ever answer the door bell or talk to strangers who would tell me my mom is sick and I'd need to follow them to the hospital, whatever the story may be.

I don't know about you but these days, I am not sure if parents tell their kids to not accept sweets or candies from strangers. In fact, if I would want to be hard on myself, I can count the number of times I told my eldest son to not speak to strangers when he is out of the school gates when he was younger. *guilty!*

In the case of my friend's daughter, she told her mom that she had remembered what her mother always told her - that no way in hell, would her mom ask anyone else to pick her up from school unless it was her grandparents or some close family friends that she recognises, which would still be very rare. And I believe that this is so important - to always communicate to your child and tell him/her to never trust strangers. 

Even the days when I send my daughter to school, I noticed many parents would just drop their little children and would not even talk to them... not tell them to play nice with their friends, not tell them to behave in school and hardly have I heard parents say 'I love you' to their kids or give them a hug before saying goodbye. Most of the time, parents are in a rush. To be fair to them, unlike me, they do need to beat the traffic jam to get to work but hey... it only takes less than a minute to hug your kids, tell them you love them and that daddy/mommy will pick them up later after school ends, right?

The children need to have that security and confidence to know that hey, I should trust what my parents told me and not some stranger. And for that to happen, I believe that parents need to constantly tell their kids repeatedly and have that bond strong enough for them to feel secure and confident.

Therefore, this note is a reminder to all parents that we should communicate with our kids and make them feel secure. This is a reminder to myself too.

I feel that those days when I was younger when society is more trusting of each other, parents would always remind their children and tell them what is right and wrong. But these days, in a changing climate where people are less trusting of each other, we are always too busy to talk to our kids. It is enough that we are all so bogged down with work and some of us even bringing work home with us and so I think we would easily forget how much guidance these kids need from us parents.

In the case of those men who dare commit such a crime, I believe that they must probably do it for a living. In other words, they are probably organised and have done enough homework to be good at what they do. I am not sure how they know the name of my friend's daughter or the class she is in or the name of her class teacher, apart from suspecting there could be inside information, I also think we all may have made it easier for them to google up information about our family. I think in my fb page alone, you can find my kids' names (although not their full name), the name of my husband and the places we always go to during the weekend, thanks to foursquare. Although my fb account is protected and people are unable to google up information from my fb page, we never know what these people are capable of doing. All these information can be used positively by friends but could also be used against us. So, as much as possible, be sure to keep information secure although it is not that easy to be 100% certain. After all, a lot of our followers on twitter or/and fb could be perfect strangers. You might never know who's lurking behind those computer screen and smartphones.

Mr Oosband thinks that the school and teachers need to be blamed as well in this tragedy. But let me share with you something - during the induction programme when my eldest was just 7 years old (and that was 8 years ago!) the school administrator bluntly told us parents that teachers are not responsible for the pupils' well-being once school ends because parents should pick up their kids on time and that the teachers are all busy with things to do in their life. Imagine that! As far as I know, as long as our kids are in the school compound, it IS the responsibility of the school but yeah... so blame them if anything happens... so what, right?

Safety and security should start from home. Be safe and let your children understand how to stay safe.

Tips on choosing the right Early Development Centre for your child.

Based on my previous reviews on early development centre for children, a few people wrote to me on their views as well. Therefore, I guess before you decide on one that suits your baby best, a few factors need to be considered:

1. Test out several centres

You should visit several centres especially those that allow a trial class for free. As it was, I suddenly realised that I didn't allow Jada to experience the lesson at Muzikgarten when I instantly signed her up at Kizsports 1Utama. I feel that we should have allowed her to have a feel of various environments before deciding on one. At least you minimise the risks of "What if's...". Still, after her first real class last weekend, we saw a positive development from her with the help of dedicated personnel from Kizsports and the warm learning environment she experienced.

2. Don't settle for one just because it is the cheapest.

I have to admit that I was adamant to trying out Gymboree (at first) not only because it is the nearest to us but also because some people complaint to us that Gymboree is not cheap but so and so centre is cheaper. I can accept other reasons accept one that put a value to education. Don't get me wrong, I am not saying you should try out something exorbitantly priced, although if you can afford it, I don't see why you would want to settle for anything less.

However, after the experience at Gymboree Tropicana City, I guess what our friends wanted to say was to get 'more value for money' where you can probably obtain it from other early development centres. But, they probably didn't know the best way to express their thoughts to us, making way for misinterpretation to their statements.

Whatever it is, do not put a price on the value of education. It is priceless. If you can afford it, invest. Of course, in some cases, expensive does not mean quality. So, back to Point 1, experience them all before making a decision.

3. Enrol with friends who has children in the same age bracket.

Seeing the lack of interaction among children in one centre I went, it would be nice if you have a friend with children in the same age bracket enrolled in the same session. That way, you are helping your child to learn to socialise since your friend would not mind if both your children are friends as well. This can help make the learning environment much more fun.

I think it is so important for children to learn this skill of making friends because the society may have gotten more and more individualistic and children do not have as much fun as we did back then.

4. Talk to other parents.

It would be nice if you had asked around before deciding on a centre. One friend of mine regretted signing up for a full course after going to just one session as the class didn't meet her expectations and her daughter wasn't that cooperative as well because of the unfriendly environment. I did tell her that she should have spoken to me knowing quite well that I was also looking for a play school for Jada. Once you make that first payment for a long term commitment, it is usually not refundable unless there are clauses to the contract that says otherwise.

5. If you want to enrol, it is okay to pay the monthly fees, monthly.

Children's attention span and moods can be unpredictable. They might like something today but totally detest the same activity the next day. Therefore, don't be afraid to tell the centre that you'd only pay their fees on a monthly basis... that is, if you don't mind that you are actually paying much more compared to a 3-month or per term basis.

Thus, if you decide to go elsewhere, you can continue one more month of lesson from the deposit you have paid at registration instead of having to forgo the few months' fees. By doing this, you would also have understood that you have to forgo good discounts for fees paid upfront, should you decide to enrol your child for their full term. Guess you can't win them all, in this sense.

6. Read through the contract terms thoroughly.

Some centres provide discounts and freebies upon enrolment and membership confirmation. Like Kizsports, Jada is allowed unlimited free access to their playland at the centre she is registered with and her abang gets to enjoy membership entrance rates. Some other centres do not have such facilities. Thus, if this is an important factor in you considering a centre due to the many children you have in a family, you might just want to ask the centres for further info.

7. Don't be afraid to ask for a free trial if the centre does not offer one.

One friend told me that she displayed an obvious hesitation when she visited one centre that does not promote a free trial class. But since she looked genuine enough, the centre did offer one trial class for her toddler, FOC. Thus, I guess you'd just have to be firm and ask. If they don't, then at least you know you've tried and it is up to you to decide the next steps.

8. The Who's Who factor.

I've heard of some parents enrolling their kids to certain centres because some personalities/politicians enrol their children there. Well, I don't see anything wrong in this as long as your intention is right and that what you do does not give the right for anyone to judge. However, do note that the learning experience must bring an advantage to your child because they need to acquire the necessary skills for them to grow into a more confident and better individual. So, do not let your intentions hinder the learning process of your child because like it or not, you are not paying peanuts to these centres.

9. Do not force your child if she is not ready.

It's true that children need encouragement for them to be interested in something. But we all know that children nowadays are a smart bunch. It's probably due to the food mommies consume when pregnant or the milk that they drink. So, if your child is not ready, it is not a good idea to force them. These sessions are supposed to be fun for them. As much as we as parents would always want the best for our children and some parents being overly competitive, every child is different and so are their development needs.

Have I missed anything else? Do you have anything else to share?

Kizsports @1 Utama

On Raya Haji last Friday, Mr Hubby and I decided to check another children's early development centre to see if any of them is agreeable to Jada. Since it was a public holiday and they basically did not have any programmes on a Friday, they gave us some options for a Saturday or Sunday class.

We decided on the Saturday's class since it is held early at 10am where we know Jada would be fresh and eliminate that risk of crankiness. The trial class is free and I said to Mr Hubby that they're either so confident of their classes for them to offer a free trial or that they're genuine in letting parents try it out since not all children can agree to the classes. Either way, we both benefit from this since the free trial class is only fair rather than us having to pay RM48 for a class that did not benefit Jada one bit.

We were greeted by Fariza and the classroom was smaller than expected. But Jada warmed up the minute we entered the room as Fariza knew what to do to make the children calm. There was another girl who was there for the first time who also didn't quite like the experience in another children's early development centre they previously went to.

books strewn on the floor was a perfect way to calm any tensed

nerves (if any) in Jada since she loves books...

checking out what another girl was reading hehe...

Fariza was quick in identifying a lot of things in the children that came in that day. Even before I realised that Jada might be sleepy, she already pointed that out to me. She could even guess that Jada is still breastfed from some 'characters' that Jada was displaying.

I liked that Fariza took her time, talked to the new kids, and properly explained what we were supposed to do and why those exercises were introduced. Sure, Jada had her cranky moments but only because she wasn't familiar with the new atmosphere but those moments were manageable as she was happy to explore all the play sections. The time she cried was when Fariza touched her or when we kinda 'forced' her to try other activities in the room.

But unlike the previous experience in another centre, she found her favourite spot and I must say that that was a good development. Who knows, in next week's class, she might get herself familiar with other stuff in there and gradually get used to the routine.

she must have felt this bouncy movement as I was always on

a gym ball while being pregnant with her. Somehow she had

found her favourite spot here! ;)

I also liked that Fariza spoke to us parents on our concerns and kept telling us all to not force our babies to move on to other activities if they do not want to. And with that, Jada was allowed to take her time to understand an activity, process the information in her tiny brain cells and act upon the processed information. Therefore, she was able to enjoy the experience.

she found the guts to explore other territories after she became

bored with the gym ball...

One activity that was so similar to the previous children's early development centre that we visited, was the bubbles session. Previously, she was not given the time to understand what she was supposed to do and was expected to be forced by parents to push her into doing what she was required to do. But here in Kizsports, the facilitators kept blowing bubbles to her where at first, she'd only expect the bubbles to come to her, then graduated to going after the bubbles and realising how much fun it was being in a play session.

Jada was so excited to have all those bubbles blown towards her

she finally learnt to go after the bubbles instead of waiting for

them to come towards her.

This positive vibe continued further after that when Jada gleefully walked over to the nearby 'playground' and explored everything, not even a care in the world that she hadn't yet had breakfast. With that, we were able to reinforce what was learnt in class earlier rather than having to wait another week.

Jada was put in the Little Walkers class and classes are set for an hour. However, the first 10 minutes is spent getting the children to warm up before actual activities were performed.

We signed her up instantly after she has had enough... and happy that she spent an additional hour playing at their playground. It was also good to know that for the next one year, her entrance into their playland is FOC, anytime.

running away from daddy!

I'm so glad that this part is finally sorted.

If you need to know their fees structure, all their play sessions in different levels of age-groups require a RM40 Annual Administration fee, a one month deposit of RM160 and a RM160 monthly fee. However, when we registered Jada, we were given the option to pay a package of RM360 for 3 months (RM120 per month). Kizsports has many other interesting classes like pre-school, taekwondo, ballet and much more. Your child will enjoy free unlimited entrance to their playland when you sign up for the play and pre-school classes, and other siblings can enjoy member rate for the entrance into their playland.

P/S: I was so elated that she enjoyed herself there and totally forgot that I was supposed to check out Muzikgarten before making a decision. *sigh*

Gymboree @Bangsar Village

An update from the previous review I did on Gymboree @ Tropicana City Mall...

An ex-colleague told me that I should have brought Jada to the outlet in Bangsar Village because the facilitator there is much warmer to kids and they make the activities really fun. I wasn't sure how much different it can be but today, I had the opportunity to see it for myself as my best buddy, Nicole, decided to send her daughter there while we have our occasional Sunday date.

What I saw in the 10am play class for Level 7 children, was that the class was pretty crowded but the kids looked like they were really having fun. But I must agree to the statement made by my ex-colleague that the facilitator was really good with children. She was so into teaching the kids, wanting the kids to have fun and learn, and I could feel the atmosphere being so lively. She did have personal interactions with the children even when there were probably around 15 noisy children running everywhere.

everyone taking turns to crawl into the colourful 'tunnel'.

it looked quite chaotic but with so many kids, chaotic would

mean something positive, don't you think?

Nicole said she had enrolled her lovely Isabelle for the entire play and music package. I even saw an old classmate with her son.

So, I guess if you really want to check out Gymboree and believe that this is where your children should go to for their play and learn sessions, I would suggest that you make your way to the one in Bangsar Village, Level 1. I cannot promise you anything but at least you'd feel better to know that the teacher tries her very best to make the session fun and exciting.

But, I would still like to add that Nicole shared with me some tinge of disappointment that there weren't any interactions among the children or parents. I guess parents would always hope that play sessions like these would teach the kids to socialise. But with protective and cautious parents nowadays, there is no way of seeing kids making friends if there are no encouragement from parents. So with that, I still think that the environment is not really suitable for my Jada. Still, what may not work perfectly for our toddler doesn't necessarily mean that it is not good for yours. No two children are exactly alike.

If you'd like to know an overview of how much you'd need to invest in your children's early development in Gymboree, below is the fee indication (the fee schedule is correct at time of publication):

Annual Family Membership	RM150 per family
Play/Music Program Fees Level 1-6 (45 minutes) Level 7 (1 hour) ------------------------- Trial Class As & When Package (Level 1-6) Multiple Program A** Multiple Program B** Playgym (0 - 60 months) Playgym Package (10 playgym vouchers)	RM420 /12 weeks RM328 /8 weeks RM287 /6 weeks RM450 /12 weeks --------------------------- RM48 /per sesion RM495 /12 sessions (6 months) RM1,780 /48 weeks (one child only) RM1,980 /48 weeks (for 2 kids or 36 months above) RM12 member/per hour RM18 non-member/per hour RM100 (member) RM160 (non-member)
GymArts Arts I & Arts II (1 hour) Arts III (1 hour) Trial class	RM660 /12 weeks RM708 /12 weeks RM65 /per child/per sessions
Yoga Fun Yoga III Trial Class	RM450 /12 weeks RM48 /per child/per session

** entitled to 24 Play/12 music/12 GymArts or Play/Music/Yoga only, with many free benefits.

Gymboree @Tropicana City

I was pretty excited with our plans yesterday with Jada, our 16-month old baby. A full 16 months of breastfeeding and staying home with a mom who works from home is enough to make her very attached to me that she even rejects her daddy most of the time... don't even ask me about her acceptance to strangers or even relatives... not even atuk or nenek can get close to her for more than 20 seconds without her pushing them away!

In view of this, and the fact that she has gotten very demanding to the point of a need for constant attention when mommy's in the middle of work, I decided it is time for Jada to socialise with other children her age, that she needs to be independent (to at least play on her own while mommy works nearby) and the need to understand that mommy cannot always meet her demands. Thus, we've started to look at several nearby nurseries where I intend to send her to at least for 2-3 hours a day during the initial stage, eventually leading to a half-day of play/development session every day. That would really help her gain some self-confidence and the ability to understand that mommy wants her to learn some independence.

Since I don't think a nursery could accommodate such a demanding baby, I thought of enrolling her to some play/music courses for babies to start her off slowly rather than do something too drastic. As her mom, I know her too well... that she'd do something at her own free will and not when she's forced... she has always been that way since the day she was to be born.

So, last Thursday we went over to Tropicana City Mall nearby where we live, and headed over to Gymboree. Jeanette, the administrator, was very helpful in answering all my concerns and queries, and even allowed Jada into the play area just to test her out. Jeanette was really good with Jada although the little one truly didn't welcome whatever stuff Jeanette was doing. I liked the atmosphere and Jeanette's warm demeanor was truly commendable. We instantly booked a trial class on Sunday (that's yesterday). Although I initially planned to put Jada on muzikgarten, I accepted Jeanette's advise to put Jada on a play course first, for her to face her fears in meeting strangers and let her explore new territories safely.

A day before yesterday, I googled up some reviews on Gymboree (which were written some 2 years ago) and found a couple of negative remarks. I took note of them but didn't want to consider them that seriously. However, I was a little worried and shared it with Mr Hubby but we decided to experience it before deciding on anything.

So, in we went again yesterday and after 5 minutes or so, we realised that the reviews I read were true albeit them being written years back. Over time, we also realised that the programme wasn’t suitable at all for Jada especially since she has not been exposed to such rigorous activities before. Apart from that, there are other points which contributed to some few concerns that we weren’t entirely happy about.

The main issue perhaps was the lack of time for one particular activity for a beginner like Jada to familiarise herself and be assured that the activities are actually fun. Those other toddlers in that play group were all boys with the youngest being 20 months old. At 16 months old, Jada was an early entrant to the group. No single effort to make her feel welcomed by the facilitator was also a contributing factor to Jada not warming up to any of the activities – the kids were made to climb the slide, walk on a narrow wooden plank that’s unstable and asked to participate in grabbing colourful hand-pieces and place them into a basket.

As the time for each activity was so limited, even before Jada could finish walking along the wooden plank, she was supposed to already move on to slide down. But how can we make her enjoy the activity when she started to cry at the wooden plank and every other kids already moved on elsewhere? There weren’t anyone who’d encourage Jada to finish her task, and the facilitator didn’t communicate to the children or parents on a personal level. In the end, our objective to have her explore on her own was thwarted as she reverted back to her introvert self and grabbed for my boobies for comfort.

Don’t get us wrong… we weren’t spoiling her at all. We wanted her to enjoy the lessons and so we would take her in when she needs the assurance as we want her to feel that we are not pushing her to do what she doesn’t want to do. So, as soon as she calmed down, we encouraged her to move on to other activities – which the kids were already climbing stacks of colourful steps and jumping down towards a plush orange material. I tried sitting on the orange thing and she seemed to be interested with the cushiony substance but as soon as we took her to the steps and made her jump, the heavy bout of crying and screaming started again.

Then, everyone converged into a small circle where the facilitator blew bubbles, clapped and sang for the next 10 minutes. Jada just watched everyone reach for the bubbles and burst them but was probably very cautious to mix in. However, when everyone started singing and clapping, she began to warm up and participated in the activities. At the end of that last session, she happily got into this parachute-like material while daddies and mommies pull the colourful material in circles.

it was a total turn off when the facilitator pronounced Jada's name, "JA-EY-DAA"

When we saw how happy she was, we decided to put her onto the slide again just to see whether we've kinda warmed up her engines. We were wrong into thinking that she would because again, she started to scream.

Jeanette saw that and tried to soothe her but I guess it was a little too late. Jeanette even blamed us parents for allowing her to cling on to us when she cried, which I truly detested because I know how many times I reminded Mr Hubby to not pick Jada up, and to let her discover her abilities. However, this was her first time and it seemed unfair for us to just let her cry out loud without giving her any assurance.

Therefore, I had to tell Jeanette that the lesson may not be suitable for Jada. Jeanette didn’t even bother to ask about my concerns and suggested that I come back for their music class next Sunday since I mentioned that I'd like to enrol her into a music class.

My take on Gymboree Play programme for Level 4 (from 16 to 22 months):

1. Each section (the play, the clean-up, the strength training and touch & singing) is too short especially for a baby who’s never done this before. No amount of assurance can soothe her since that task is given to her parents and not the facilitator. For me, it defeats the purpose of wanting her to mix around with other kids when all she wanted to do was to cling onto me.

2. Two-thirds of the session seemed too rigorous for a beginner like Jada. For a baby who’s hardly done any jumping and even so afraid to step down our split-level kitchen though it’s only an inch difference, I expected something milder for a start. Maybe they should have one beginner session just to allow her to familiarise herself to the surrounding and have more time to focus on what she was supposed to do rather than simply following what everyone else had to do.

3. At the end of the session, we were a little surprised to note that the supposedly 45-minute course ended much sooner than that… probably it lasted only a good ½ hour. Thus, we were quite disappointed.

4. It would be better if the facilitator in charge would introduce herself and have personal contact with each toddler. And much better if a little bit more special attention is given to a new entrant like Jada, at least for the first two sessions. Having her parents constantly at her beck and call doesn’t help her learn anything quicker.

5. If you’re looking for interaction among kids, then this programme is also not suitable for your child since that doesn’t occur at all and even parents themselves do not mingle with each other. The only parents we talked to was a little apprehensive to answer our question on the age of their cute boy. So, if that didn't make you comfortable, how do you think your baby would feel?

6. As much as Jeanette seemed to understand kids quite well, you must not just take her advise for an expert. I have always believed that as parents, you would understand your children’s needs best. So, do not commit too soon and go for trial classes in other early development centres to see which one fits your toddler’s needs best.

climbing up at the start of the programme	daddy coaxing Jada with a ball to encourage her to walk
further coaxing needed as Jada refused to budge	seeking comfort at mommy's boobies
Jada stared at the bubbles and other kids grabbing them	finally warming up and enjoying the parachute ride

Next up, I guess we would be checking out other centres. Seeing how well she responded to the short musical session, I am starting to trust my initial instinct to have her warm up to a music programme. Muzikgarten, perhaps?